Funniest Science Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of science puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Science puns and jokes

1. There are only bad science jokes left. All the good ones argon.
2. Why is the moon so broke? It’s down to its last quarter.
3. What do rich clouds do? They make it rain.
4. We have got to stop talking about mitosis… It’s such a divisive issue.
5. No matter how popular antibiotics get, they will never get viral.
6. All mushrooms are edible. Some are only edible once.
7. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear brighter until you hear them speak.
8. Can you keep a secret? My labs are sealed.
9. How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That’s a hardware problem!
10. Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to 40 different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
11. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
12. How can you know a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
13. What do you call an accountant for the biology department? A buy-ologist.
14. What do you call it when a marine biologist takes a photo of himself? A cell-fie.
15. What did the science book say to the math book? You have got problems.
16. Why was bee’s hair sticky? Because it used a honey-comb.
17. What was the name of the first Electricity Detective? Sherlock Ohms.
18. What sound does a sub-atomic duck make? Quark.
19. What do you call acid that’s a bully? A-mean-ol’ acid.
20. How do you throw a party in outer space? You planet.
21. What do phlebotomists say before they take your blood? B Positive.
22. Why is the pacific ocean so salty? Because land never waves back at it.
23. Why did oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon wear suits and ties?  They were a formyl group.
24. How does a chemist explain having a temper tantrum? Sorry, I just reached my boiling point.
25. How do geologists ask each other out? Are you a carbon sample? Because I’d love to date you.
26. What does a physicist say when meditating? Ohm, ohm, ohm.
27. What did the tree wear to the pool party? Swimming Trunks.
28. What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into the other? Sorry, my fault.
29. What are the primary elements of a sense of humor? Sulfur, Argon, Calcium, and Samarium. Otherwise known as SArCaSm.
30. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, what would that make them? Alloys.
31. Why did no one buy the arborist’s book? It was a hard cell.
32. Did you hear me? Acid I don’t understand the bases.
33. What did the microbiology student get for being late to class? A tardigrade.
34. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great but there is no atmosphere.
35. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A FSH.
36. How do you know if an egg is rotten? If it rolls all over the floor and throws a tantrum.
37. Why don’t plants buy candy? They make their own sugar.
38. She says it doesn’t matter if I go to the party, so I guess it’s just antimatter.
39. Meteorology jokes aren’t funny because they are so predictable.
40. Simple machines always get dessert, they know how to say pulleys
41. It’s hard to date a carb when they are so complex.
42. It’s hard for trees to date ivy when they are so clingy. 
43. Why is it so hard to wake up in the morning? That’s because of Newton’s First Law – A body at rest wants to stay at rest.
44. What do scientists get for bad breath? Experi-mints.
45. Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg.
46. Did you hear about the two red blood cells that fell in love? It was all in-vein.
47. Why don’t geologists like scary movies? Because they’re petrified.
48. What did the proton say to the electron to start a fight? I’m sick of your negativity.
49. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play? Twister.
50. What is the least interesting element? Bohrium.
51. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
52. I took a picture of elementary particle. It was a once in a lifetime photon opportunity.
53. Our chemistry teacher tried to tell a joke but got no reaction.
54. The yeast kept bullying the dough. It got a rise out of him.
55. Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” and he died.
56. How much room do fungi need to grow? As mushroom as possible.
57. What did the 30-degree angle say to the 90-degree angle? You think you’re always right.
58. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts!s
59. Why do bovine veterinarians like to travel? They’re very cultured.
60. How to cut a sea into half? With a see saw.
61. What did one decimal say to the number? Did you get my point?
62. Did you hear about the neutron who got arrested? He got released without charge.
63. What did the teacher say to the noisy volcano? Stop being so eruptive.
64. What did the Earth say to the hikers? If you step on a crack, that’s just my fault line.
65. Why did the chemist hang up periodic table posters everywhere? It made him feel like he was in his element.
66. What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.
67. How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.
68. Why did the cloud date the fog? Because she was so down to Earth.
69. Why did the woman break up with the zoologist? He was too cell-fish.
70. Why didn’t we have a bad cold season last year? All the viruses flu away.
71. If you plug your succulents into the wall, you get a power plant.
72. An aeronaut’s head is often in the clouds.
73. Transformers hum to music because they don’t know the words.
74. A wasp, a bee, a hedgehog, and a mosquito all stab a fruitcake. It was a very sticky situation.
75. Photons have mass? Who knew they were Catholic?
76. What do you call it when your science teacher lowers your grade? Bio-degraded.
77. Why do researchers look forward to casual Fridays? They can wear genes to work.
78. Where does criminal light end up? In prism.
79. What did the helpless T cell say when facing the infection? Is there antibody out there?
80. What did the biologist wear to impress his date? Designer genes.
81. What did the stamen say to the pistil? I like your style.
82. What did the receiver say to the radio wave? Ouch! That megahertz.
83. Why do plants hate algebra?  It gives them square roots.
84. Why are chemists excellent for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
85. What kind of tree can be placed into your hand? A palm tree.