Funniest Snake Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of snake puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Snake puns and jokes

1. What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird? A feather boa.
2. What clothing might sister snakes share? Co-bras.
3. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake? A jump rope. 
4. Why should you never weigh a snake? They have their own scales. 
5. How did the snakes escape from prison? They scaled the wall and got out.
6. What happens to most people when they see a long snake? They re-coil.
7. What is a snake’s favorite TV show? Monty Python. 
8. When will the baby snake arrive? I don’t know, but he won’t be long.
9. How do you get yarn out of a snake? Wait until it sheds its skein.
10. What do married snakes have on their bath towels? “Hiss,” and “Herss.” 
11. Why are snakes so hard to fool? They have no legs to pull. 
12. Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief? Because he wanted his diamond back. 
13. Which snake is a member of a rock band? A rattlesnake. 
14. What do you give a sick snake? Asp-rin. 
15. What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long? A “Pi”-thon. 
16. What kind of car does a snake drive? An ana-honda.
17. What do you call luggage made of snakeskin? Ex-hiss baggage.
18. Why was the mother rattlesnake sad? The time had come for her children to strike out on
19. What’s long, green and goes hith? A snake with a lisp.
20. What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A snake in the brass.
21. Why should you never use a snake as a boomerang? Because it will always come back to bite you. 
22. Why do snakes always measure in inches? Because they don’t have feet. 
23. What did the snake give her boyfriend? A goodnight hiss. 
24. What did the snake say to the loud children at the library? “Ssssss.” 
25. What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A Boeing constrictor. 
26. Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake? Now he’s programming in python.
27. What’s a snake’s favorite dance? The snake, rattle, and roll. 
28. If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get? A swallow.
29. Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry? She thought the joke was hisss-terical.
30. What do snakes use to clean their car windows? Windscreen vipers. 
31. What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food? Snakes and Larders. 
32. What do you call a snake that bakes? A pie-thon. 
33. Why don’t snakes drink coffee? Because it makes them viperactive. 
34. What do you call a snake who works for the government? A civil serpent. 
35. How can you rescue a snake that looks dead? With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation.
36. Who is a snake’s favorite actor? Humphrey Boa-gart.
37. What is a snake’s favorite school subject? Hissstory.
38. What did the baby snake say when the mummy snake offered everyone a piece of cake? Thanks, I’ll just have a slither.
39. In which river can you expect to find lots of snakes? The Hiss-issippi River
40. What’s worse than a box full of snakes? A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
41. What’s the best thing about a deadly snake? They’ve got lots of poisonality.
42. Why can’t a snake rob a bank? Because they are unarmed. 
43. Which are the best mathematicians in the snake family? The adders.
44. What did the baby snake say to his big brother? Don’t be such a rattle-tail!
45. What do snakes use to cut tracing paper? A pair of scissss-ors.
46. What do you say when taking a selfie with a rattlesnake? This is a misssss-take.
47. Why did the two boa constrictors get married? Because they had a crush on each other.
48. What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang letters. 
49. What do you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa. 
50. What did the Mommy snake say to the Baby snake? Please stop crying and viper your nose.
51. Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other sssssssside. 
52. Who is a snake’s favorite author? William Snakespeare. 
53. What’s a snake’s favorite dance? The mamba. 
54. Why did Woody have to wear sneakers? There was a snake in his boot. 
55. What do you call a snake that’s shed its skin? Snaked. 
56. What should you do if you see a huge snake sleeping in your bed? Sleep somewhere else.
57. How does a snake shoot something? With a boa and arrow. 
58. What do snakes do when they get angry? They throw hissy fits. 
59. What do you call a snake that builds things? A boa constructor. 
60. What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra. 
61. What did the snake say when another snake asked him the time? Don’t asp me.
62. What do you call a snake what has been fused with a fruit? A bananaconda.
63. What do snakes make when they have allergies? HISStamine.
64. Why are snakes so good at rapping? They rap around there prey.
65. How do venomous snakes kill their prey? In cold blood. 
66. What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet? Wait until he’s finished.
67. What is another word for a python? A mega-bite. 
68. What do you call an important English snake? Sir Pent.