Funniest Golf Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of golf puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Golf puns and jokes

1. Bad at golf? Join the club.
2. The entire point of golf is to play as little golf as possible.
3. Were can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing.
4. Why don’t grasshoppers watch golf? They watch cricket instead.
5. How do golfers stay cool? By standing next to the fans.
6. Why shouldn’t you ever play golf in the jungle? It’s not fair because there are too many cheetahs.
7. Why couldn’t Tiger Woods listen to music? Because he broke the records.
8. What does a golfer love to hear from his wife? Talk birdie to me.
9. What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies they don’t have to bring anything home to prove it.
10. What are a golfer’s favorite flowers? Fore-Get Me Nots
11. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore.
12. When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When you slice it.
13. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
14. We learn so many things from golf. How to suffer for instance.
15. I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.
16. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
17. Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players
18. What is a golfer’s favorite dance move? The Bogey.
19. What’s the easiest shot in golf? Your fourth putt.
20. Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course.
21. If you golf on an election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
22. I shot one under at golf today. I shot one under a tree, one under a bush, and one under the water.
23. The person who takes up golf to get their mind off work will soon take up work to get their mind off golf.
24. I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break.
25. The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil.
26. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.
27. What did the driver yell at the golf cart that cut him off? Kiss my putt.
28. Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
29. What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars? Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball.
30. Why do golf courses get hot after a tournament? Because all the fans have left.
31. Why can’t aliens play golf in space? There are too many black holes.
32. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers.
33. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. 
34. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
35. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
36. In primitive times when people beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft. Today, in our civilized society, it is called golf.
37. Why do golfers always lose at cards when playing hearts? Because all they ever have are clubs.
38. What did you get on your last hole?  Depressed.
39. Why don’t golfers ever eat pie? Just in case they get a slice.
40. You go out with three friends, play 18 holes, then come back with three enemies.
41. Many golfers prefer a cart instead of a caddy because a cart cannot count, criticize, or laugh.
42. The best person to play golf with is someone who always plays a little bit worse than you do.
43. Golf is the only game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well.
44. The secret of playing good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.
45. When is it too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes
46. Do you know how the moon got craters? Chuck Norris played golf.
47. What is a golfer’s worst nightmare? The Bogeyman.
48. Golf is a game in which you yell ‘Fore’, shoot six and write down five. 
49. It takes a serious amount of balls to golf like I do.
50. I’m so bad at golf that I have to go get my ball retriever regripped more often than my clubs.
51. The higher a golfer’s handicap, the higher the chance of him telling you what you’re doing wrong.
52. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.
53. What is a golfer’s favorite bird? Any birdie they can find.
54. Why didn’t the skeleton play golf? His heart wasn’t in it.
55. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Because her coach was a pumpkin.
56. I wish I could play my normal game. Just once.
57. Golf is a 5 mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
58. Golf is harder than baseball because in golf you have to play your foul balls.
59. I play in the low 80’s. If it is any hotter than that, then I won’t play.
60. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again”.
61. What did one golf ball say to the other golf ball? “See you round”.
62. Why does a golfer wear two pairs of socks? In case he gets a whole in one.
63. Did you hear about the two guys that met at a golf course? It was the beginning of a beautiful friend-chip.
64. Which pro golfer can jump higher than the flag? All of them, because the flag can’t jump.
65. Why did they kick Tarzan out of the golf game? He screamed with every swing.
66. What’s a golfer’s favorite letter? Tee.
67. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
68. There are three ways to improve your golf game. Take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating.
69. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play baseball.
70. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
71. Golf is an easy game. It’s just hard to play.
72. What do you call a monkey who wins the Masters? The chimpion.
73. What do you call a really friendly golfer? A social putterfly.
74. Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf? On a golf corpse.