Funniest Card Jokes - Not AI!

Here is my curated list of card puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Card puns and jokes

What’s the worst part about playing origami poker? Having to fold.
What doctor also specializes in card games? The cardiologist.
What happened when a couple decided to use a deck of Uno cards to play their next game of poker? They found out that it was a complete game-changer.
Why did the gazelle not want to play poker with the big cat? He kept lion to him.
Why did the serious poker players all decide to play inside a tent? They wanted to play an in-tents game.
What card was thrown out of the deck for being too rebellious? The wild card.
Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck.
What happened when the spade card realized his wife had gone missing? He didn’t know how to deal with loss.
Why did a man start kicking his new deck of playing cards? He had just bought a kick-starter pack.
What type of furniture is the worst poker player? Lawn chairs, because they always fold.
What is a photographers favorite card game? Snap.
Why did everyone look at Brian weirdly when he started eating the chips? He was at a poker game.
What would Batman do if he was losing at Poker? He would summon the joker.
Why is it such a big risk to play poker opposite an alligator? You might lose a hand.
Why did a man keep playing poker even though his wife threatened him with a divorce? He thought she was bluffing.
Who ended up winning the best dance competition out of all of the cards? The Queen and King of clubs reigned supreme.
What card game always ranks on the top of the card game leaderboard? Uno.
Why was a woman upset when her husband gave her a deck of cards for her birthday? She had asked for something with diamonds.
I’ve lost all my Pokémon cards in a house fire. I’ve only got Ash now.
How do you keep a bull from charging? You take its credit card away.
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding
My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a get well soon card. Washing you a fast recovery!
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common? You can’t even deal with it.
What did the pirate’s friend say when he saw the pirate sitting next to the treasure chest during their poker game? Why are you playing your cards so close to your chest?
Why did the mosquito spend a lot of time playing cards? Because he had a great poker face.
How is a lonely man’s life like a deck of cards? It’s described as solitaire-y.
What card game can result in the most pain? Poke-r.
What’s hard to deal with? A pack of cards that’s been glued together.
What did everyone say when two of the highest valued cards from a deck got married? It’s so nice, how the King has finally managed to find his Queen.
Why did a poker player decide against having a tattoo with words on his arms? He didn’t want other people to read him like a book.
What did the man give his fiancé, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? He gave her a diamond card
What card is the slowest and slimy? Ace-nail
What did the police do to the guy who murdered someone with a deck of cards? They put him in solitaire confinement.
Why did the skeleton family never play poker at their family get together? Everyone could see through them and their bluffs.
Why did the credit card go to jail? Because it was guilty as charged
What did a woman say when she got told she couldn’t play a card game with her left hand? I need to play my cards right to win.
What is the worst animal to play cards with a cheater
Why was a vampire so nervous about the poker game he was playing? His adversary was raising the stake.
What happened when the sink tried to play poker with the king of toilets? The toilet won because he had a royal flush.
Why was the dog suspicious of the fact that the chicken had some tricks up his sleeve? He suspected there to be fowl play.