Funniest Halloween Jokes – Not AI!
Here is my curated list of Halloween puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!
Halloween puns and jokes
- Are any Halloween monsters good at math? No, unless you Count Dracula.
- Why don’t werewolves ever know the time? Because they’re not whenwolves.
- What did the skeleton bring to the potluck? Spare ribs.
- Why do skeleton’s make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
- What is a vampires favorite holiday? Fangs-giving.
- Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don’t forget to save room for I scream.
- Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
- What does a ghost call his mom and dad? His transparents.
- Why did the vampire brush her teeth? She had bat breath.
- Why wouldn’t the skeleton go in the haunted house? He had no guts.
- How do girl vampires flirt? They bat their eyes.
- How did the two bat lovers first meet? On a blind date.
- Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
- What do kid ghosts tell around the campfire? Scary human stories.
- How can you tell if a ghost is scared? He’s white as a sheet.
- What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock.
- Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.
- Where do werewolves store all of their Halloween candy? In a werehouse.
- What do owls say when they go trick or treating? Happy Owl-ween.
- Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea.
- Why wasn’t there any food left at the Halloween party? Everyone was goblin.
- Where do ghosts learn to become pilots? At fright school.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite street? A dead end.
- What’s the scariest type of cutlery? A spooooon.
- How does Dracula stay fit? He plays batminton.
- What do you call an undead cricket referee? A vumpire.
- Why did the ghost go to the sales? He was a bargain haunter.
- Where does Dracula keep his money? At the blood bank.
- Why did the vampire read the newspaper? Because it had great circulation.
- How do ghosts wash their hair? With sham-boo.
- Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.
- What do witches put on to go trick-or-treating? Mas-scare-a.
- What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO.
- Where do ghosts like to trick or treat? At dead ends.
- Who gives Dracula the most candy on Halloween? His fang-club.
- What is a ghoul’s favorite candy flavor? Lemon and slime.
- Why don’t vampires eat a lot of Halloween candy? They’re afraid of tooth decay.
- Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
- How does a Ghost say good-bye? I can’t wait to seance you again.
- What sound do you hear if you explode a Ghost? kaBOOm.
- Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
- What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurry? Spooktacles.
- Why do female ghosts go on a diet? So they can keep their ghoulish figure.
- What do you get when Dracula bites a pig? A hampire.
- What game do monsters play? Hide and shriek.
- What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I will go through it again.
- What animal is best at baseball? A bat.
- What’s big, furry and has eight wheels? A monster on roller skates.
- Why did the skeleton quit? His heart wasn’t in it.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarine.
- What types of TVs are in haunted houses? Wide scream TVs.
- How does a scarecrow drink his juice? With a straw!
- What type of Halloween books do pumpkins write? Pulp fiction.
- How many skeletons do you have in your closet? None, but that’s just because the body hasn’t decomposed yet.
- What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer? Finger food.
- How do vampires start their letters? Tomb it may concern.
- Why didn’t the zombie go to school? He felt rotten.
- Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite? Neck-tarine.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
- Why do ghosts go to the bar? For the boos.
- What do witches ask for at hotels? Broom service.
- Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
- Is Casper a boy or a girl? Casper is a Ghoul.
- For Halloween we dressed up as almonds and everyone could tell we were nuts.
- Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.
- Why didn’t anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula? Because he is a pain in the neck.
- Why don’t skeletons like Halloween candy? They don’t have the stomach for it.
- What kind of car does Frankenstein drive on Halloween night? A monster truck.
- What do birds give to trick or treaters? Tweets.
- How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch.
- What do Italian ghosts have for dinner? Spook-hetti.
- What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
- What makes trick-or-treating with twin witches so challenging? You never know which witch is which.
- Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story? Because there are so many plots there.
- Where do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are at work? Day scare.
- What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween? Wait for it… it will dawn on you.
- What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol? They get smashed.
- What did the vampire say to his hangry friend? Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.
- What did one ghost say to the other ghost? Do you believe in people?
- What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
- Why do the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
