Funniest Ear Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of ear puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Ear puns and jokes

1. What do you call an ear with no eyes? No-eyed ear
2. How to make your ears pop? Try some sparkly earrings.
3. What did the little girl say to herself before ice skating for the first time? Ear goes nothing.
4. What did they say after being spooked in a haunted house? I’m outta ear.
5. What would be your superhero power? One with incredible hearing so I could be a superh-ear-o.
6. Did you hear about the guy who lost his hearing aid? WHAT???
7. Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
8. How many ears does captain Kirk have? Three, his left ear, his right ear and his final frontier.
9. A captain was barking at his crew. “What do you think is between yer ears?” Eye Eye, captain.
10. What is it called when you hear a jingle in your right ear but not in your left? Earring loss.
11. How do elephants stay cool in the hot jungle? Ear conditioning.
12. What do you call friends with airpods in their ears? Earbuds.
13. Why did they end up dating? It was lobe at first sight.
14. What did the pirate say? I can’t ear you.
15. Doctor: “So, you’re telling me that you have a problem with one of your ears. Are you sure?” “Yes Doctor, I’m Deaf-inite.
16. I am deaf on both ears after working at the metal factory. I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears.
17. I gave my Landlord an ear job to pay for rent this month. I’ve got to say it wasn’t as bad as it sounds.
18. “It’s a long tale” said the fox. I’m all ears” said the elephant.
19. What do you call a bear without a ear? B
20. How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears? A buccaneer.
21. What has ears but can’t hear? Corn.
22. What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk? A travelling mouse.
23. Why did the mathematician go to the Otolaryngologist (ear nose throat doctor/surgeon)? He was having problems with his sin(x)s.
24. What do you call a reindeer who wears earmuffs? Anything you want! He can’t hear you!
25. What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can’t hear you!
26. Loud noises and sounds are extremely harmful for your ears. They can badly hertz your eardrums.
27. Two earplugs were arguing with one another as to who was better. After the quarrel, they made up, and one said to another, “You’re ear-resistible”.
28. The thief was caught for stealing dozens of hearing aids. I am wondering if he will be given the deaf penalty.
29. Hearing aids are on sale at the moment, they are at unheard of low prices.
30. I listened to the match the other day, but ended up burning my ear.
31. Why was Van Gogh an artist and not a musician? Cause he didn’t have the ear for it.
32. How does a hearing-impaired fashion designer communicate? He uses clothed captions.
33. Mr. Spock, a rabbit, and a corn stalk walk into a bar. Bartender asks, “You guys want to hear a joke?” They replied, “We’re all ears.
34. What do you give to a fisherman who is going deaf? A herring aid.
35. If you attached a small engine to your ear… it makes you an engineear.
36. I used to play guitar by ear… Now I use my hands.
37. A man goes to see his doctor with jelly and cream coming out of his ear. The doctor says “you’re a trifle deaf”.
38. Mom! Mom! The mean kids keep saying I have big ears. “Oh really? I’ll talk to them. Where are they?” “In the next town over”
39. I have a strawberry growing out of my ear. I went to see my doctor about it, and he told me to put some cream on it.
40. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
41. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret in a corn field? Because they are full of ears!
42. How do mountains hear? With mountaineers.
43. My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh. Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.
44. I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds. It was mono
45. My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks. I had to double check that, it didn’t sound right
46. I can’t hear out of my ear… It’s really ear-itating
47. Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago… Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
48. Do you know why they ended up breaking up? They hertz each other.
49. What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear? Anything you want, she can’t hear you.
50. What kind of ears to trains have? Engineers
51. What did the ear of the corn say when all of its clothes fell off? Awe shucks
52. Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear? Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
53. Once, George Michael hurt his ear when his friend told him something.  It was a careless whisper from his friend.
54. If someone had the ability of excellent hearing, he would be known as a superh-ear-o.
55. The Earl was awarded the Order of the British Empire (OBE) for his contribution to medical and anatomical sciences. He became an earlobe.
56. When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
57. I decided to sell my hearing aids. I got a suitable buyer, so now I won’t be hearing any more offers.
58. How does a stylish rabbit keep her ears up all day? She uses hare spray.
59. I can’t hear up in an airplane. It’s too cloud.
60. Was Helen Keller born without hearing? Deaf innately not.
61. People used to say that you shouldn’t clean your ears with Q-tips. But I haven’t heard that for a while.
62. I nibbled on my 3 year olds ear and said “I’m going to eat your ears”. She said “Papa! No! Don’t eat my ears!” “My mask will fall off!
63. I walked my daughter down the aisle for her third wedding. I whispered in her ear, I keep giving you away and they keep giving you back.
64. You guys hear about the guy that had his ears lopped off? He didn’t either.
65. How do you describe decorative Halloween corn? Ear-ie.
66. What did the vegan witch use in her magic potions? Ear of corn and eye of potato.
67. When does corn set off fireworks and get drunk? New Ear’s Eve.
68. The other day, someone made fun of my ears hanging down too low. Lobe low, dude
69. I’ve never seen the inside of my ears… but I’ve heard good things
70. I’m not always a chief but when I am, it’s because I have a big ear.
71. Person: My left ear is ringing. Friend: Then answer it.
72. I got into a bar brawl with this huge man that tore my earlobes off. Now I’m ear-ring impaired.
73. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?  He was playing by ear.
74. How would you describe a good advice from an audiologist? As sound advice.
75. Why did the ear itchiness keep coming back after being scratched? It was Earitated.
76. What do you give to a fisherman who is going deaf? A herring aid.
77. What do you call a bear with three ears? Bearearear.
78. Vincent, did it hurt when you lost you ear? No, I cut it off in One Gogh.
79. I’m getting an operation on my lobes tomorrow. It’s New Ears eve!
80. Trains have special kinds of ears that are vastly different from others. They have engine-ears!
81. My friends have iPhones while I have a basic landline. It’s just an earPhone!
82. My son asked me if I am losing my hearing ability after playing drums for more than 25 years in the band. I replied, “What was that?”
83. A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
84. How do you know how long to leave sweet corn on the BBQ grill? Just play it by ear.
85. What did the guy with big ears say when his boss asked if he could have a word with him? I’m all ears.
86. What is an ER? The thing on the side of your head that you hear with.