Funniest Dog Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of dog puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Dog puns and jokes

6. My dog ate all my scrabble tiles. So I took him to the vet. No word yet.
7. What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor.
8. Why do dogs make terrible dance partners? Because they’ve got two left feet.
9. What does my dog and my phone have in common? They both have collar I.D.
10. What did the Dalmatian say after his meal? That hit the spot.
11. What’s a dog’s favorite type of pasta? Wagliataile.
12. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? Rough rough.
13. When you cross an aggressive dog with a computer, what do you get? A lot of bytes.
14. What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on.
15. Did you hear about the dog who was fined for delivering puppies on the side of the road? She was given a ticket for littering.
16. What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light.
17. I threw the dog a ball the other day. It was a bit extravagant but he looks great in a tuxedo.
18. Making money in a dog exercise business is easy. It’s a walk in the park.
19. My dog can play the piano, pretty limited repertoire though. focuses only on bach.
20. Nothing says’ I love my dog’ quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
21. What do you call a barking pumpkin? A gourd dog.
22. Why was the dog taught to climb a ladder? Because he specializes in roofing.
23. Why is a noisy yappy dog like a tree? They both have a lot of bark.
24. Are you aware that your dog has been chasing a guy on his bike? Are you nuts? My dog is not even able to ride a bike.
25. Who delivers your dog’s Christmas presents? Santa Paws.
26. Who is the favorite rapper of every dog? Snoop Dogg.
27. What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away? Well, doggone.
28. What sort of dog does a vegetarian have? A collie-flower.
29. How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard? Put her in your backyard.
30. What do you call a purple dog? A grape dane.
31. What do dog robots do? They byte.
32. What is the most boring type of dog? A dullmation.
33. What do you call a large dog that meditates? Aware wolf.
34. What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
35. What do you call a cold dog? A chilli dog.
36. What kind of dog chases anything red? A Bulldog
37. When does a dog become a sailor? When he embarks.
38. What dog loves to take bubble baths? A shampoodle.
39. What do you get when you cross a sad dog and a fruit salad? A Mellon Collie.
40. What do you do if a dog starts eating your library book? Take the words right out of their mouth.
41. What kind of dog is always up for taking a bath? A shampoo-dle.
42. My dog keeps wrapping things in cardboard. He’s a boxer.
43. I saw a dog that looks like a bagel. Must be a pure-bread.
44. She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
45. A vampire, a dog and a gorilla walk into a bar. The bartender says “what is this, some kind of joke?”
46. What did the skeleton say to the puppy? Bonappetite.
47. How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
48. How did the dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied.
49. What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A cat-has-trophy.
50. Did you hear about the dog who ate nothing but garlic? His bark was worse than his bite!
51. Why is a dog‘s nose in the middle of its face? Because its the scenter.
52. What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.
53. What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show.
54. What do you call a dog with no ears? It doesn’t matter, she still won’t come when you call.
55. What’s the difference between a businessman and a dog? The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.
56. What is an eagle’s favorite dog breed? A beagle.
57. Why did the dog jump on the counter and take a bite out of the bread? Puppy loaf.
58. How do dogs train their fleas? From scratch.
59. Why do dogs like conjunctions? They love buts.
60. Did you hear abut the vampire who got a pet dog? He’d always wanted a bloodhound.
61. My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks. Bad Minton.
62. My dog ate my computer science homework. It took him a couple of bytes.
63. It is raining cats and dogs now. That’s ok, so long as it doesn’t reindeer.
64. I named my 2 dogs Rolex and Timex. They are my watch dogs.
65. A scientist took his dog to work to help experiment on pasta. It’s a labranoodle.
66. Why did the dog chase her own tail? She was trying to make both ends meet.
67. What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? A golden receiver.
68. What do you call a pug dog that has become the boxing world champ? A pugilist.
69. What is a dogs favorite instrument? A trom-bone.
70. What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard. Its the best thing for a hot dog.
71. What’s a dog’s favorite pizza topping? Pup-eroni.
72. What should I call my new robot puppy? Dogmatic.
73. Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes? A Chi-ha-ha.
74. What did the first flea say to the second flea? Should we walk or just take the dog?
75. What kinds of stores do dogs love? Re-tail stores.
76. What’s the best dog to take on a submarine? A sub-woofer.
77. What kind of dogs do programmers have? Computer Labs.