Funniest Cow Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of cow puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Cow puns and jokes

1. Why do cows never have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
2. How do cows laugh?  Moo-haha.
3. Where did the cow spend all its money? At the cow-sino.
4. How do cows introduce their wives? Hey guys! Meat Patty.
5. Why did the chicken walk under the cow? To get to the udder side
6. What show do cows love to watch while they’re eating? Graze Anatomy.
7. What kind of maths to farm animals like to do? Cowculus.
8. What you do get from a short cow? Condensed milk.
9. Why did the cow get a massage? To re-hoove-inate.
10. Why did the cow want to get in the rocketship? She wanted to go to udder space.
11. Sweden is not going to export any cattle since they like to keep the cattle in Stockholm.
12. Cows are going to assemble together in the meet market.
13. Once a cow ceases to shave, it develops a moo-stache.
14. For lunch, cows prefer consuming moo-shroom soup.
15. All the farmers cows stopped producing milk. It was a case of real udder chaos.
16. What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow? A steak out.
17. How did the cow get to Mars? It flew through udder space.
18. What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster? Roost beef.
19. What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog? Hound beef.
20. What does a farmer talk about when she’s milking a cow? Udder nonsense.
21. What did the cow say to its therapist? I feel seen but not herd.
22. What did the cow say to all her friends? I am legen-dairy.
23. What’s a cow’s favorite TV show? Dr. Moo.
24. What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline? Milkshake.
25. What did the Auntie cow say to her niece? You are so udderly cute.
26. What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
27. What do you call the cow who hit it big playing the lottery? A cash cow.
28. What do you call a fight between two herds of cows? A cattle battle.
29. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? They lactose.
30. How did the cow know he was noble? He was a Sir Loin.
31. Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because the farmer’s hands were cold.
32. What does a cow watch? MooTube.
33. What game do cows like to play at parties? Moosical chairs.
34. What did the cow and bull do for their first date? Dinner and a moovie.
35. What’s a cow’s favorite day of the year? Moo Years Day.
36. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
37. Why don’t cows understand what you say? because it goes in one ear and comes out the udder.
38. What do you call a cow who does magic? Moo-dini.
39. NASA put a bunch of cows into orbit. They call it the herd shot round the world.
40. Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
41. What do you call a cow you can’t see? Camooflauged.
42. Where do cows go for lunch?  The calf-eteria.
43. What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? A bcowaad mooood.
44. What do cows put on French toast? Mooolasses.
45. How does a cow sneak off a farm? Right pasteurize.
46. I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass? The cow ate the grass, sir.
47. What has four legs and says boo? A cow with a cold.
48. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.
49. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef.
50. Why was the cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
51. Why don’t most cows lie? They can smell bull.
52. Why was the farmer mad at his cow? The excuse she gave was a bunch of bull.
53. Why don’t bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
54. What is a cow’s favorite magazine? Moogue.
55. Why did the farmer buy a brown cow? He wanted chocolate milk.
56. Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
57. Where do cow farts come from? Their dairy-ère.
58. What kind of lunch meat do cows like best? A bull-ogna.
59. What did the cow say to the other cow on the hill? I’m udder-neath you.
60. What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat? A coat.
61. Where do steers go to dance? To the meat ball.
62. Why did the cow get a ticket? Because of a mooing violation.
63. What do you call a feminine cow? A dairy queen.
64. Why did the cow cross the road? To go to the moo-vies.
65. Why do cows go to New York? To see the moosicals.
66. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
67. What is the most important use for cowhide? Holding the cow together.
68. What’s a cow’s favorite moosical note?  Beef-flat.
69. What do you call a cow that can part water? Moo-ses.
70. Where do cows go on their days off? To a moo-seum.
71. What did the cow say to all her friends? I’m legen-dairy.
72. When cows get sick what do you call it? Hay Fever.
73. What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
74. Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the milky way.
75. Why did the farmer lose the race? He fell at the curdle.
76. Why can’t cows join the police? Because they refuse to go on steak-outs.
77. Why are cows such great dancers? They have all the best mooves.
78. What did one cow say to the other on a cold night? I don’t know about you but I’m Fresian.
79. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
80. What do you call a grass-fed cow? A lawn moo-er.
81. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
82. Why did the cow win an award? She was out standing in her field.
83. Where do cows get all their medicine? The farmacy.
84. How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
85. How do you get 500 old cows in a barn? Put up a Bingo sign.
86. Why is the barn so noisy? Because the cows have horns.
87. What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk? A milk dud.
88. What time is it when a cow sits on your hat? Time to get a new hat.
89. How do you get a cow to keep quiet? Press the moooote button.
90. Why did the two cows hate each other? They had beef.
91. Why did the farmer stop telling cow puns? Because he butchered every joke.
92. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.
93. What did the cow tell the butcher? Please stop, or else we’re gonna have some beef.
94. Where would you find a cow who’s having a really bad day? At McDonalds.
95. What do you call a scared cow? A cow-ard.
96. Where would you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
97. How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
98. How do cows say “thank you” for dinner in Spanish?  Moo-chas grass-ias.
99. What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.