Funniest Cooking Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of cooking puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Cooking puns and jokes

1. What does an upset chef make food with? Angrydients.
2. What do lousy chefs use to tell them when a roast is done? A smoke detector.
3. Why was everyone in the kitchen upset with the sous chef? He kept roasting everyone.
4. Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
5. What’s in an astronaut’s favorite sandwich? Launch meat.
6. Why did the man want to become a chef? He wanted to figure out and add some spice to his life.
7. Which friends should you always take out to dinner? Your taste buds.
8. What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Close the door, I’m dressing.
9. Which condiment adds the most kick? Horseradish.
10. What did the chef say when she ran out of seafood? Oh, it’s a clam-ity.
11. Did you know the first French fry wasn’t made in France? It was cooked in Greece.
12. Is there a reason why the cooking pot had an electric bulb? Because it was my first time of making a light soup.
13. I like to cook dangerously. I take whisks in the kitchen.
14. I wanted to cook chicken for dinner, but I forgot to take it out of the freezer ahead of time. It wasn’t a well thawed out plan.
15. Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today. Should have cooked it on aloha temperature.
16. I cooked a medium rare steak for my friend and he said, “I like it well done.” I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
17. A lawyer who cooks lunch can be called a sue chef.
18. Have you heard about the fight in the kitchen? A fish got battered.
19. Is there a reason why the wait staff avoided the line cook? He was always steaming.
20. Stressed out cook overused which appliance? The pressure cooker.
21. I prefer jokes about steaks. It’s a rare medium done well.
22. If you can’t make them laugh you should wok away.
23. I have a ton of food jokes, most of them are cheesy.
24. One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music. I think it’s the Chopin board.
25. I fell asleep beside the kitchen sink. I feel completely drained now.
26. Why did the cooker jump off the wharf? Due to peer pressure.
27. What does the French chef give his wife on Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche.
28. What is a chef’s favorite music to play in the kitchen? Wok n’ roll.
29. How would you describe a restaurant that’s located on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
30. What made the lettuce blush? Because he saw the salad dressing.
31. Is there a good way to cook an alligator? In a croc pot.
32. What is a skeleton chef’s specialty? Spare ribs.
33. Saw a chef drop a full case of fish and he shouted “OH MY COD”.
34. While at the farmers market, “I’m surprised this bag is holding up so well, it’s got so many leeks.
35. I hate to admit it, but my wife’s cooking has seriously improved. That was best slice of soup I’ve ever had!
36. My ex’s cooking was cold and bland. Clearly, she put her heart and soul into it.
37. I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. But they kicked me out for spilling the beans.
38. What do you call a group of witches cooking simple recipes? An Easy Bake Coven.
39. What’s a panda’s favorite cooking utensil? A pan…duh.
40. What advice did the father’s fruit give to his son when he was being taken away to be cooked? Always be respectful to your elder-berries.
41. What did father Carrot tell his son after the latter performed poorly in athletics? Keep calm and carrot on.
42. Baking paper is something I forgot to buy. Looks like my cooking will be foiled again.
43. Make sure you don’t leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended. It could spell disaster.
44. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
45. What did I do wrong? I’m so corn-fused.
46. The chef quit because they cut his celery.
47. The best way to impress your baker wife is to give her flours every day.
48. It takes 3.14 pastry chefs to make a pie.
49. If your girl can cook Chinese marry her because Sichuan of a kind.
50. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
51. Did you hear about the Boston chef who died? They could not find the sauce of his illness.
52. How does a penguin chef make pancakes? He uses his flippers.
53. What did the baby corn say to its mom? Where’s my popcorn?
54. What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business.
55. What is a nice guys’ favorite cooking utensil? M’Ladle.
56. What did the husband vegetable tell his wife? You make my heart beet faster.
57. Did you hear about the guy who took a second job as a pizza chef? He kneaded the dough.
58. Yesterday morning, I saw my wife cooking breakfast in her bedroom slippers. I wonder why she doesn’t use the frying pan!
59. My wife experiences occasional trouble cooking, but that’s not an issue for me at all. I bae-leaf in her!
60. There were two chefs who always worked in the kitchen. They were taste buds!
61. The kid yam was scolded for being rude, but he blatantly replied, ” I yam, what I yam”.
62. I wanted to cook mushrooms at a cooking competition, but it was a one-off chance. There was not mushroom for error!
63. Did you heard about the Indian chef that fell down from the stairs? He was curryed away to the hospital.
64. I told a joke about cooking, but no one laughed at it. I guess it didn’t pan out.
65. The fruit took leave from work as he wasn’t peeling fine!
66. My sister got extremely angry when she found that I was stir-frying our dog. I don’t understand why. She told me to take it on a wok!  
67. Thyme flies when you have a long cooking day!
68. The only eggs that are strictly forbidden at churches are deviled eggs!
69. What did the celery couple do on their wedding anniversary? They went to a diner to celery-brate!
70. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
71. What’s the worst crime an Italian chef could commit? Being an im-pasta.
72. Why could the chef not cook a tree branch? Because he used a non-stick pan.
73. What’s worse than finding hair in your food? Finding out the chef is bald.
74. What do you call a mentally retarded chef? A slow cooker.
75. When does bread rise? When you yeast expect it.
76. Why did the chef put his hand in the hot cooking pot? Because he was feeling a tad chili.
77. What did the chef say to the boiling water when he was cooking pasta? Goodbye, you are going to be mist.
78. How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house? He came home from work with gnocchi.
79. What bummed out the shredder? Not being grater.
80. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
81. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese.
82. What are chefs always trying the win? The Hunger Games.
83. I dropped my sirloin on the ground during a cooking contest. Not a worry, the steaks were low.
84. A lot of chefs think that being a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
85. I used to be on of those chefs who shouts and swears a lot. But then I discovered oven mitts
86. I had to give up on my plan to set up a business making work surfaces for kitchens. It was counterproductive.
87. What did the chef say to the skeleton? Bone Apetit.
88. What is the best paying job in the world? I don’t know, but pizza chefs sure make a lot of dough.
89. What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth? A pairing knife.
90. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby.
91. Which ingredient do chefs add to spice up Irish dishes? Gaelic cloves.
92. Why are chefs so harsh? They’re always beating eggs.
93. What’s the best food to eat before a workout? Mussels.