Casino Jokes and Puns

Here are some casino jokes that are a sure bet for a laugh! Find your favorite casino puns and then share with others!

Casino jokes and puns

What is the worst part of selling a casino? Everything is a gamble.
Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck.
What is the poker dealer’s favourite song? Every day I’m shuffling.
Did you hear about the fat guy who spent his free time in a British casino? He heard it was a fast way to lose pounds.
What do you call an iguana who runs a casino? The lizard of odds.

Why don’t casinos let cattle farmers play? They are always raising the steaks.
Why did the police arrest the guy who was playing pool? He was picking pockets.
A man walks into the casino and asks a security guard which machine people get the most money from? ATM machine.
Why did the British blonde bring French fries to the casino? She was told to bring her own chips.
Why are there no casinos in China? They hate Tibet.

What is the best way to keep your husband from gambling? Spend the money first.
How can you always break even at the casino? Play the change machines.
What do you call a T-Rex that works in a casino? A small arms dealer.
How do you get out of a casino as a millionaire? You go in as a billionaire.
What’s the difference between a casino and a church? You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.
Why aren’t there any casinos in Africa? Because there are too many cheetahs.
What is the name of a casino that even kids can gamble in? GameStop.
When will they come to a consensus about snacks in the casino? When everybody Lay’s their chips on the table.
What does a Central City gambler like to snack on? Poker chips and salsa.

At the casino, what department did the vampire work in? The Count Room.
Where do casinos put people who are forced to listen to dad jokes? The eye roller suite.
What has a heart and no organs? A deck of cards.
What’s the difference between casino players and politicians? Casino players sometimes tell the truth.
What’s the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.

At the casino a woman accused me of assault and but I’m the blackjack dealer, it’s my job to hit people.
They just built a steakhouse on the second floor of the casino, the steaks have never been higher.
My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler, I’d do anything to win her back.
My friends recommended the British Casino weight loss method, it really works and I’ve already lost fifty pounds.
All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they’ve lost, now they know how we feel.

I did well at strip poker the other night, I played my socks off.
A pickle walks into a casino, sits down at a card table and says dill me in.
I heard that Marie Kondo opened a casino, guess she knows when to hold them and fold them.
Why did the casino groundskeeper get fired? He thought the 2.5% rake policy applied to leaves.
Had an awful meal at a casino in Las Vegas, the chips tasted of plastic.