Funny Bagel Jokes And Puns + Free Printable

Hole up and enjoy a rise in laughter. This stack of bagel gags is baked to perfection without a single stale punch line.

Scroll for the jokes and grab the free printable before it’s all gone!

My Top 10

Why was the bagel so good at golf? It always got a hole in one.
What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream Cheese.
Why did the bagel feel sad? It was empty inside.
What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast? Excuse me, but I’d like to propose a toast.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
What do you call a bagel with wings? A plane bagel.
Why was the bagel so lazy? It was slow to rise.
Did you hear about the tennis-playing bagel? It was seeded.
What do you get if you cross a doughnut with a bagel? A hybread.
What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts? Hole foods.

Q&A Jokes

What does a bagel call its grandfather? Poppy.
Why did the bagel go the bar? To get toasted.
What’s Mario’s favorite bagel flavor? Ses-a-ME. Mario.
How did the bagel escape from jail? It picked the lox.
What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
Why was everyone afraid of the everything bagel? Because he looked pretty seedy.
How do you give a bagel maximum security? Put lox on it.
How many bagels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Toaster ovens don’t have light bulbs.
Why did the bagel lose the election? He was the victim of a schmear campaign.
Which martial art is used to make bagels? Judo.
Why are bagels religious? They’re very holy.
Why was the bagel in a cage? It was bread in captivity.
Why shouldn’t you get a job in a bagel shop? It’s a crummy place to work.
What did the bagel dough say to the lonely baker? It’s nice to be kneaded.

Free Printable Bagel Jokes

Want these jokes in a cut-out-and-go format? I’ve made a free printable PDF with 10 of the funniest bagel jokes. Perfect for brunch with friends, or for me it’s for using when having smoked salmon bagels on Christmas morning with my family. There’s no sign-up needed—just click and instantly download 🙂