Funniest Bagel Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of bagel puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Bagel puns and joke

1. What did the bagel say when her friend got hit by a bus? Oh, crumbs.
2. What’s Mario’s favorite bagel flavor? Ses-a-ME. Mario.
3. What do you call a female bagel? Poppy.
4. Why did the bagel lose the election? He was the victim of a schmear campaign.
5. What’s the difference between Karate and Judo? Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.
6. Why was the bagel so good at golf? It always got a hole in one.
7. What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast? Excuse me, but I’d like to propose a toast.
8. How do you hold a bagel back? You put lox on it.
9. What do you call a bagel with wings? A plane bagel.
10. What does a bagel call its grandfather? Poppy.
11. What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream Cheese.
12. What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts? Hole foods.
13. How do you give a bagel maximum security? Put lox on it.
14. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
15. How do you look after a bagel? You raise it.
16. What did the bagel say when it got run over? Crumnbs.
17. Do you Like Bagels? Because You’re Bae-goals.
18. Why was the bagel so lazy? It was slow to rise.
19. How did the bagel escape from jail? It picked the lox.
20. What do you call a seagull which loves baked goods and only flies over a bay? Baygull.
21. Did you hear about the tennis playing bagel? It was seeded.
22. What do you call a bagel in fancy dress? A donut.
23. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
24. Why can’t blueberry bagels fly? Because, then they would be plane bagels.
25. Why are they called seagulls? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels.
26. What do you deserve in life that is also a type of bagel? Everything.
27. Why did the court not register the case against the bagels? Because there was a hole in the argument against them.
28. Why was everyone afraid of the everything bagel? Because he looked pretty seedy.
29. What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
30. What is a bagel’s favorite kind of girl? They like girls who have everything.
31. When his friend was hit by a bus as he crossed the street, what did the bagel say? Oh, Crumbs.
32. Why did the bagel feel sad? It was empty inside.
33. What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel.
34. What do you get if you cross a doughnut with a bagel? A hybread.
35. How do you describe someone who stands on one foot, eats a bagel and a banana? A balanced breakfast.
36. Did you hear about the baker who was accused of stealing bagels? He told them they needed proof.
37. What’s Mario’s favorite bagel flavor? Ses-a-ME. Mario.
38. Why was the bagel called lazy? He was slow to rise.
39. Why did the bagel go the bar? To get toasted.
40. Why can’t blueberry bagels fly? Because, then they would be plane bagels.
41. Why should you eat bagels with your parents? It’s a lovely experience for the hole family.
42. What happens if you eat a bagel standing on one leg? You get a balanced breakfast.
43. What did the bagel dough say to the lonely baker? It’s nice to be kneaded.
44. Why it’s hard to trust bagels? Because they seem seedy at times.
45. What does a bagel do when it is locked out of its house? Call a loxsmith.
46. What’s a pilot’s favorite kind of bagel? Plain.
47. The camper ate what kind of bagel? A winnebago.
48. How many bagels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Toaster ovens don’t have light bulbs.
49. What did the husband bagel tell his wife on their honeymoon? We are bae-goals.
50. Which martial art is used to make bagels? Judo.
51. Why was the bagel in a cage? It was bread in captivity.
52. Are you a plane bagel? Because I like you with nothing on.
53. Why are bagels religious? They’re very holy.
54. Why Do Bagels love costume parties and dressing up on their favorite holiday? Because they have Halloween in the middle.
55. Why does your dog look like a bagel? He’s pure-bread.
56. What is common between analogies and bagels on a trampoline? They don’t always work.
57. Why shouldn’t you get a job in a bagel shop? It’s a crummy place to work.
58. What should you do if a bagel is unwell? Spread it, then it will feel much butter.
59. How do you prevent someone from stealing your bagel? You put lox on it.
60. Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland? They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
61. What food should you eat when travelling by air? A plain bagel.
62. What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake? Bicarbonate of Yoda.
63. What kind of a bagel did the smart man eat? He ate an everything special bagel.
64. Why do Seagulls hang out by the ocean? Because if they hung out by the bay, they’d be bagels.
65. What is a Jamaican bagel called? Cinnamon.