Funniest Spider Jokes – Not AI!

Here is my curated list of spider puns written by real people, no AI here! Enjoy!

Spider puns and jokes

1. What text emojis do spiders use when they are happy? ::::D
2. How tall is a spider? Eight feet.
3. What does the baby spider want to be when it grows up? A web designer.
4. What do spiders eat in Paris? French flies.
5. Why did the man return his pair of spider silk trousers? The fly kept getting stuck.
6. Did you know there is a species of spider that can jump higher than a building? This is due to its eight powerful legs and the fact buildings can’t jump.
7. What’s another name for the Spider-Man trilogy? A web series.
8. Did you hear about the spider love triangle? It was a tangled web.
9. What do you call it when you have too many spiders in your house? A no-fly zone.
10. Why do spiders spin webs? Because they can’t knit.
11. What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newlywebs.
12. What do you call 10 spiders on a tire? A spinning wheel.
13. What do spiders like to do in their spare time? Surf the web.
14. Why does Spider-Man hate driving with his evil twin? He’s a bad parallel Parker.
15. Why did the man go on a date with a spider? His wife told him to take it out instead of killing it.
16. What is it called when someone has an abnormal fear of spiders in raincoats? Anorakaphobia.
17. What part of a computer does a spider use? The webcam.
18. What do you call pants made for a German spider? Schpiderhosen.
19. What did the spider say to the fly? Pleased to eat you.
20. Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks? Because with great power comes great response-ability.
21. What do you call an undercover tarantula? A spy-der.
22. What do spiders do when they get mad? They climb the walls. 
23. Why do spiders make clingy roommates? They’re arachneedyads.
24. What do you call it when a shark, a crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar? A typical day in Australia.
25. When do spiders celebrate Valentine’s Day? Web-uary 14th.
26. Why did the spider only put one leg out of her bed? She wanted to start the day off on the right foot.
27. Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin.
28. What do you get when you cross a spider and an ear of corn? Cobwebs.
29. What do you call a spider without a web? Offline.
30. What did the procrastinating spider say to the fly? Catch you later.
31. Why can’t a spider get a job as a pilot? Because they can only tailspin.
32. Did you hear the spider who ate the fly? He was a real buzz kill.
33. Where do spiders play football? At Webley Stadium.
34. What’s the difference between a spider and a web designer? A spider loves finding bugs in his web.
35. How do spiders communicate? By the World Wide Web.
36. Why can’t spiders become pilots? They only know how to tailspin.
37. How do you spot a modern spider? She has a website.
38. When can you see a spider but not kill it? On its webcast.
39. Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spy-der.
40. Why do spiders adapt so quickly to online learning? They’re very comfortable on the web.
41. What’s good for spider bites? An angry spider.
42. What do you call a spider with 16 eyes? A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.
43. What do you call a spider that can dance? A jitterbug.
44. Why are spiders good swimmers? They have webbed feet.
45. What did the spider wife say to the spider husband when he tried to explain coming home late? You’re spinning me a yarn here.
46. What did the IT person say to the officer worker who was freaking out over a spider on their keyboard? Don’t worry, I’ve got it under ctrl.
47. Have you seen the film about an onion that turns into a spider? It’s called Shallot’s Web.
48. What do you call a giant Irish spider? Paddy long legs.
49. What’s a spider’s favorite pastime? Fly fishing.
50. What do you call a spider that has its left legs on the right side and right legs on the left side? A daddy wrong legs.